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Concerning pets

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« on: December 07, 2008, 01:56:05 pm »
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Dear Dogs and Cats, when I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results!
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« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2008, 01:57:22 pm »
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Reflection on life with dogs ...
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein "
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant." -- Unknown
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke Bruce
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward Abbey
"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Unknown
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« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2008, 01:58:08 pm »
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Thoughts on Cats - All sublime
"Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff"-Unknown
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats."-Dave Platt
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."-Unknown
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."-Anonymous
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."-Jeff Valdez
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."-English proverb
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."-Ellen Perry Berkeley
"One cat just leads to another."-Ernest Hemingway
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later."-Mary Bly
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."- Joseph Wood Krutch
"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."- Faith Resnick
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."-Anonymous
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."-Hippolyte Taine
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats."-Albert Schweitzer
"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."-Ernest Menaul
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."-Unknown
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."-Missy Dizick
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats."-Colonial American proverb
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want."-Joseph Wood Krutch
"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic"-Unknown
"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit."-Unknown
"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."-Robert A. Heinlein
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