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Kiss-My-Arse Space Cadets Audition

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Author Topic: Kiss-My-Arse Space Cadets Audition  (Read 448 times)
caskur™
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« on: August 31, 2008, 02:16:44 am »
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What is not known is that Kiss-My-Arse from Flame Champs infamy, applied to become a contestant on the famous UK television hoax show known as, “Space Cadets.” That is right readers, the Guinness guzzling, pizza faced troll, otherwise known a Kiss-My-Arse tried to audition for a spot on the show in the hopes she would escape the monotony of her modest paying government job in the USA.

Back in early 2005 adverts went out to uncultured would-be space travel enthusiasts by Zeppotron, a division of Endemol UK and Kiss-My-Arse, sent along her photo and resume for special scrutiny omitting the fact she drank and was rarely sober.

The shows physical instructor Valera Riazanov, liked  her photo straight away. “She is perfect for one of the parts.” Exclaimed Riazonov. “She is built like a brick shithouse and she looks like she can handle all the rigors of our strict set of criteria applied to filter out inappropriate applicants.”

The Criteria were - Quote:

•   Eliminating anybody who had ever served in the armed forces, or who already had a significant interest in space travel or science fiction.

•   Psychological tests used to single out the highly suggestible and those who would conform to groupthink

•   Physiological tests to determine claustrophobia, including being in restraining jackets and trapped in a full lift

•   Being asked to dance blindfolded, without music, and with others watching, to gauge inhibition levels

•   Asking the candidates to nominate a friend or relative they trusted implicitly, to make a vital and important decision for them. These friends or relatives were contacted, and fully let in on the hoax, and given the final say of whether or not the Cadet should be included.
 

These are the reasons that Kiss-My-Arse failed the first stage of the show and was indeed eliminated from the contest


•   She  served  the armed forces, rather than served IN them. Most of the Television crew thought she would fluster the other contestants by delivering free blowjobs, inturn causing the other contestant’s minds to wander off and not affixed on their tasks at hand.

Kiss-My-Arse already had a significant interest in space travel having watched ET at least 50 times as a child and science fiction - having endeavored to invent a bubble gum that would never dissolve and actually succeeding in high school science classes.
First test failed.
   

•   For the Psychological tests used to single out the highly suggestible and those who would conform to groupthink, Kiss-My-Arse got a gold star in failure for this assessment. They were looking for futuristic free thinkers and here, Kiss-My-Arse bombed out. It wasn’t a lot different to the time she bombed out of the cheerleading squad for being too dumpy and blowing great big massive pink gum  bubbles....second test failed.
   
•   Physiological tests to determine claustrophobia, including being in restraining jackets and trapped in a full lift….She passed this one with flying colours. Kiss-My-Arse was used to being enclosed in a wardrobe after her mother removed her from her straightjacket every evening. Yet, she felt right at home in this section of the trials. Third test passed.

   
•   Being asked to dance blindfolded, without music, and with others watching, to gauge inhibition levels.  –  This one was another one she passed although her dance step was a little out of step, the fact she wears glasses and is already partially blind, didn’t inhibit her….of course, she was also plastered from drinking Guinness but used the never-ending chew bubblegum she invented, to mask the smell of it on her stinking, breath. She had some teeth pulled so now her breath does not smell half as bad. Once the rest of her teeth are pulled, her dentures can be fitted but until then, it is liquid amber lunches, all the way. Fourth test failed.

   
•   Asking the candidates to nominate an acquaintance or relative they trusted implicitly, to make a vital and important decisions for them. These friends or relatives were contacted, and informed on the hoax, and given the last say of whether or not the Cadet should be incorporated. – Kiss-My-Arse had no rl life friends just pretend ones on the net – again, another fail.

total = 4 fails - 1 pass.

Better luck next time, fatty!!!





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caskur
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« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2008, 03:08:52 am »
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Holy ****, that is one humongous zit alright. It looks like the size of a  boil.



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caskur™
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« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2008, 11:09:26 am »
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Pity she'll never see or respond in this thread.

Has anyone noticed how quiet the big mouth is these days?

 Grin




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Damion Hellstrom
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« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2008, 12:19:25 pm »
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Maybe she's going to see a dermatologist?
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caskur™
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« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2008, 01:03:41 pm »
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Maybe she's going to see a dermatologist?

I'm thinking all the people at fc and ft, should chip in and buy her a years supply of pro-activ and perhaps encourage her to go to some AA meetings before her addiction to guinness gets the better of her!!

 Cool
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Damion Hellstrom
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« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2008, 11:55:35 am »
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A trip to weight watchers may be in order, too.
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caskur™
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« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2008, 11:00:19 pm »
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A trip to weight watchers may be in order, too.

She needs a make-over.

She'll have to save up for one.
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Damion Hellstrom
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« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2008, 07:28:27 am »
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I guess her government job doesn't pay too much
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caskur™
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« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2008, 07:31:04 am »
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I guess her government job doesn't pay too much

I think she posts from work, too!!
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Damion Hellstrom
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« Reply #9 on: September 03, 2008, 05:24:27 pm »
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So she's no longer on the dole?
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caskur™
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« Reply #10 on: September 03, 2008, 10:31:35 pm »
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So she's no longer on the dole?

I think she worked at one of those ice-cream stands and was fired because she was caught eating the profits.
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Damion Hellstrom
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« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2008, 06:48:47 pm »
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That explains the weight gain.
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caskur
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« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2008, 10:01:13 am »
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Indeed,

she is a chubby girl.

One of those ones that will get fatter

when she starts having children.
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