Fume Clumps jokes

[Damion Hellstrom]

TWAP came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I'm home!"

 What should he see but el kabong in bed with his  wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun  and put it to his head. His wife started laughing. "Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"

[Damion Hellstrom]

Ur_Droll goes to a **** house. The Madam, called flea is out of women but, since the man isfrom Fume Clumps she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference.

Ur_Droll comes out after being in the room for five minutes. "How was it?", says flea. "Not good at all," says  Droll, "I bit her nipple, she let out this huge fart and then flew out the window!"

[Damion Hellstrom]

Did you hear about how VC froze to death outside a
theater? She was waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."

[Damion Hellstrom]

Dra1n was walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a Frenchman lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.

 "Excuse me," Dra1n says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"

"Maybee I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way."

 "Wow! Thanks!" says Dra1n, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies. So he goes back to the Frenchman.

"I'm sorry to bother you again," he says, "but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven't been able to meet a girl."

"Okay," says the Frenchman, "I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way."

"Thanks!" says Dra1n, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at him.

 After half an hour he can't take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman. "Look," he says, "I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach, and still nothing! What more can I do?" "Well," says the Frenchman, "maybe I can help you a leetle beet. Why don't you try moving zee potato to the front of zee sweeming suit?"

[caskur™]

Did you hear about how VC froze to death outside a
theater? She was waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."

This one is funny.....so eez the Frenchmans story!!!

So BraIn wears his potato around the wrong way.....we must keep an eye on that.

[Voltage]

hehehehe


A good mix of flame and fun. pity Flume Clumps is so twisted with bitter and sour posters that they cant lighten up and enjoy themselves.

[caskur]

hehehehe


A good mix of flame and fun. pity Flume Clumps is so twisted with bitter and sour posters that they cant lighten up and enjoy themselves.

Twisted and bitter. You've got that right.

But what would you say....more bitter, or more twisted?

[Omnia]

Bra1n walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
'What are you so happy about?' asks the barman, TWaP.

'Well, I'll tell you,' replied The Bra1n,
'You know I live by the railway?
Well on my way home last night I noticed VC tied to the tracks, like in them movies.
I of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time!
'We made love all night, all over the house.
We did everything, doggy style, spoons, me on top, sometimes her on top.
I was totally shagged out this morning!'

'Fantastic,' exclaimed TWaP, 'you lucky sod, did you get a
blowjob too?'


'No', said Bra1n, 'I never found her head.'















 

[Omnia]

Wise and his s/o are enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. Wise says,  "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you.

"Yes," replies his s/o, I remember it well.

"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake.

"Oooooooh Wisey, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer (Vitriol) sitting in the next booth listening to all this. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.

They walk along aided by walking sticks, and make their way to the fence.
She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, Wise moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that Officer Vitriol has ever seen!
They are bucking and jumping , Wise is like an eighteen-year-old. This goes on for about forty minutes!

She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" And Wise is hanging on to her hips for dear life.

Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. Officer Vitriol is amazed.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, Wise and his lady struggle to their feet.

Vitriol is still watching and thinks, that was truly amazing, I've got to ask Wise what his secret is.

"Hey Wise, that was something else, man. You must have been having sex for about forty minutes.
You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

Wise repies, "Fifty fuckin' years ago that wasn't an electric fence!"

[caskur™]

FFS, everyone knows he's dead. Just like everyone knows you killed him. Will you ever STOP bringing it up? If not, I'll just hound you on it for a long time. Beating a dead horse makes its meat nice and tender.

And just think, you can squish and spray your big zits over the meat as extra special sauce flavouring, huh, Pizza Face? Yummy!! :giggle: