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Alpo’s Father Alpo Sr. – And what are you going to be when you grow up son?
Alpo Jr. - Der, when I grow up, I am going to be a moron on the internet and post stupid things and annoy people.
Years later -
Alpo’s Father Alpo Sr. – Oh, and what did you call yourself on the internet Junior? Moron?
Alpo Jr. - No dad, but everyone thinks I am a moron. I think it is because take after you.
Alpo’s Father Alpo Sr. – But son, I am not really your father. You see, it goes like this. Your mother got inebriated one night, fell face first in the gutter and was **** by 100 drunken sailors, including myself. We never really found out who fathered you but since we all had the clap and your mother was an easy lay, I decided to **** her every night for a bottle of bootleg gin, then you happened along.
Alpo Jr. - Wow. That is an interesting story dad. So what happened after that.
Alpo’s Father Alpo Sr. – When your mother’s syphilis finally killed her, I bought you a computer. I realized that your club feet, Mongoloid features and shitty disposition was going to make you a total social outcast and I thought the only human interaction you’re finally going to get would be typing on the net. So how’s it going for you son? Was your moronism cured finally or not?
Alpo Jr. - I’m still looking for a father figure dad. I take after my mother. I let all the cool people on the net butt **** me all over the place. Everywhere I go they slam their textual fists into my face and ride me hard. No matter how hard, I feel no pain, no fear. caskur said it’s because I 'ave no brains. No brains, no pain.
Alpo’s Father Alpo Sr. – Well the psychiatrists lobotomized you years ago son, of course you have no brains… that and you were born an alcoholic syndrome baby anyway.
Alpo Jr. - Will I ever be cured of being a moron dad?
Alpo’s Father Alpo Sr. – Yes.
Alpo Jr. - How?
Alpo’s Father Alpo Sr. – Well we have considered several suggestions and the best one we could come up with is if you dive off a cliff and land on your rubbery head.
Alpo Jr. - That sounds like a plan, Dad. And is there a plan B?
Alpo’s Father Alpo Sr. – No son, we think plan A will cure you. All we have to ascertain is a date. How about I drive you to Mount Rushmore today to have a look at the pretty sculptures?
Alpo Jr.- OK dad, just wait for me to spam up 100 forums with 10,000 inane posts. I have to keep the Alpo devotees like TWaP and Spazza happy.
Alpo’s Father Alpo Sr – Oh Christ, just get in the car idiot…here, I’ll throw a **** mag in for you and here, have a butt plug for good measure as well, stooge.
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