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Play on words

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Author Topic: Play on words  (Read 113 times)
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« on: December 07, 2008, 01:44:04 pm »
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1.  Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and
  get married.  The ceremony wasn't much, but the
  reception was excellent.
2.  Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.  One says
  "I've lost my electron."  The other says, "Are you
  sure?"  The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
3.  A jumper cable walks into a bar.  The
  bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start
4.  Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a  salted.
5.  A sandwich walks into a bar.  The bartender
  says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."   

 6.  A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  7.  A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt  under
his arm and says:  "A beer please, and one for the road."

8.  Two cannibals are eating a clown.  One says to
  the other:  "Does this taste funny to you?"
9.  "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
  Grass of Home.'"  "That sounds like Tom Jones
  Syndrome."  "Is it common?"  Doc says "It's Not
10.  Two cows standing next to each other in a
  field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially
  inseminated this morning."  "I don't believe you,"
  said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
11.  An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
  The kids were nothing to look at either.
12.  A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
 "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look
  at him."  So he picks the dog up and examines his
  eyes, then checks his teeth.  Finally, he says, "I'm
  going to have to put him down."  "What? Because he's
  cross-eyed?"  "No, because he's really heavy."
13.  I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
  other day but I couldn't find any.   

 14.  I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet
  him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the
  top shelf.  He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
15.  I went to a seafood disco last week... and
  pulled a mussel.
16.  What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.
17.  Two termites walk into a bar.  One asks, "Is
  the bar tender here?" 
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