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Saturday's Jokes


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Author Topic: Saturday's Jokes  (Read 132 times)
caskurô
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« on: November 09, 2008, 11:42:14 am »
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Lesson on Circulation


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," the boys said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A voice from the back of the room shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."

********************************************************


Bozo Criminals


Rothsay, Scotland - Three bozos were on their way to attempt to rob the local branch of the Bank of Scotland. Their problems began at the front door, which they had trouble negotiating. In a scene that sounds as though it should have come from an old Three Stooges episode, the three somehow managed to get themselves stuck in the revolving doors and had to be freed by bank staff. At this point they sheepishly left the building to regroup.

They then entered the bank a second time, getting past the doors and going straight for the teller, who recognized them and just laughed when they demanded money. To show her he meant business, one of the bozos jumped onto the counter but slipped and fell to the floor, clutching his badly sprained ankle.

Seeing that things were going downhill fast, the other two bozos headed for the door. Yes, that door. And yes, they got stuck in it again. And they succeeded in remaining stuck there until the police arrived.




Bozo Criminals



Rothsay, Scotland - Three bozos were on their way to attempt to rob the local branch of the Bank of Scotland. Their problems began at the front door, which they had trouble negotiating. In a scene that sounds as though it should have come from an old Three Stooges episode, the three somehow managed to get themselves stuck in the revolving doors and had to be freed by bank staff. At this point they sheepishly left the building to regroup.

They then entered the bank a second time, getting past the doors and going straight for the teller, who recognized them and just laughed when they demanded money. To show her he meant business, one of the bozos jumped onto the counter but slipped and fell to the floor, clutching his badly sprained ankle.

Seeing that things were going downhill fast, the other two bozos headed for the door. Yes, that door. And yes, they got stuck in it again. And they succeeded in remaining stuck there until the police arrived.


********************************************************

Great Female Combacks


Man "Haven't we met before?"
Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man "Is this seat empty?"
Woman "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man "Your place or mine?"
Woman "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman "It's in the phone book."

Man "But I don't know your name."
Woman "That's in the phone book too."

Man "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman "I'm a female impersonator."

Man "What sign were you born under?"
Woman "No Parking."

Man "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman "Do not Enter"

Man "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman "Unfertilized"

Man "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man "I know how to please a woman."
Woman "Then please leave me alone."

Man "I want to give myself to you."
Woman "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man "I can tell that you want me."
Woman "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."

Man "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman "Sorry, I don't date outside my species.."

Man "Your body is like a temple."
Woman "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman "Yes, but would you stay there?
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