Jokes of the Day

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for seven years.

He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe pitch, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw that it was a group of young women skinny-dipping in the pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond." Holding the bucket up he said, "i'm here to feed the aligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."