Jokes of the Day

THE COST OF KIDS

I have seen repeatedly the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice,
really nice!!

* * * * *
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about
sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.34 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite. What do your get for your $160,140?

Naming rights. First, middle, and last!

Glimpses of God every day.

Giggles under the covers every night.

More love than your heart can hold.

Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.

A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.

A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and skipping down the footpath in the pouring rain.

Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, you never have to grow up.
You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play
hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Father Christmas.

You have an excuse to keep:
Reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
Watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and
flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect
spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a footy team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human
sexuality that no uni can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. (so try to live up to it)
You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

ENJOY YOUR KIDS AND GRAND KIDS.

A nun was going to Chicago. While waiting for her flight she noticed one of those weight machines that also tells your fortune. She thought to herself " I’ll give it a try just to see what it tells me.

She went over to the machine and put in a coin and out came a card. It said, ‘You are a nun, you weigh 128lbs and you are going to Chicago."

She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again. She went back to the machine and put in another coin. Out came a card that said, "You are a nun, you weigh a 128lbs, you are going to Chicago and you are going to play a fiddle."

The nun said to herself, "I know that’s wrong I’ve never played a musical instrument in my life. She sat back down and along came a cowboy carrying a fiddle. He put the instrument down next to her. She picked it up and begin to play beautiful music.

Startled, she looked back at the machine and said, " This is incredible She put in a coin and out came a card that said, " You are a nun, you’re going to chicago, you weigh 128lbs, and you are going to break wind.

Now the nun knows the machine is wrong "I’ve never broke wind in public in my life."

Well she tripped fell off the scale and broke wind. Stunned, she looked at the machine and said to herself, ""his is truly unbelievable. I've got to try it again."

She put another coin in the machine, collected the card and it said, "You’re a nun, you weigh 128lbs. You have fiddled and farted around and now you’ve missed your flight to Chicago.

The Juggler

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car.
"What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."
"Well, show me," the officer demanded.
So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.
Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."