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Just Kidding

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Author Topic: Just Kidding  (Read 732 times)
caskur™
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« on: October 29, 2008, 11:44:18 pm »
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Redneck Jury

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the red neck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.


************************************************


Dead comes to courtroom


A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.
 
  "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"
 
  He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
 
  Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
 
  With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
 
  "But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door."
 
  "Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied. "We all looked - but your client didn't!"


******************************************************

Making fried eggs


A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
 
  "Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"
 
  The wife stared at him and asked, "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
 
  The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."

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