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Very Funny Joke


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caskur™
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« on: August 18, 2009, 05:59:21 pm »
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Don't throw in the towel yet

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion.

"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.

"Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man really gets into **** this guy's wife so he works with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking screaming orgasm.

Stubborn to the end, the husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him, triumphantly, "You see, THAT'S the way to wave a **** towel!"

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Ghost of Kane
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« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2009, 03:20:29 pm »
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Even Dad visits my grave, Mom.
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caskur™
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« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2009, 03:26:28 pm »
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What Kane....you speaking 'merican now?

Have you forgotten your English language?
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Ghost of Kane
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« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2009, 03:30:23 pm »
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Mommy, you know I don't like it when you drink so much.
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The Wise and Powerful
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« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2009, 03:36:11 pm »
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This thread is in the wrong forum. Should have been started at:

http://flamedamnation.smfforfree4.com/index.php/board,15.0.html

Doesn't this site have any MODs??

<snicker>
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caskur™
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« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2009, 03:39:28 pm »
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This is for the guests...

what, now you disapprove of guests having a laugh?

Scram peon..........
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caskur
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« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2009, 12:36:49 pm »
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Dear Doctor,

I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are absolutely useless.

After getting married I was told to use the "Rhythm Method." Whilst trying the samba and the tango my wife fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-cha.

My doctor then suggested we use the safe period. At this time we were living with the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for a safe period, when the house was empty. Needless to say this didn't work.

A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love while breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like Coors, but I finished up with clear skin, silky hair and another child on the way.

Another old wives tale was if my wife jumped up and down after sex this would prevent pregnancy. After breast-feeding (from earlier), if my wife jumped up and down she would have ended up with two black eyes, and even knocked herself unconscious.

I asked a chemist about the condom. He demonstrated how easy it was to use so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a Durex stretched over the thumb can prevent a baby.

My wife was then supplied with the coil and after many unsuccessful attempts to fit it we realized that we had got a left-handed thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.

The Dutch cap came next. We were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all. But alas...it did give my wife a severe headache. We were given the largest size, but it was still too tight across her forehead.

Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out, then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife started then to put it between her knees, thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot it....another child resulted.

You must appreciate my problem: if this operation is unsuccessful I shall have to revert to oral sex. Although I don't mind just talking about it, it could never be the same as the real thing.

Yours faithfully,

Ray Jackson


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« Reply #7 on: November 12, 2009, 12:43:08 pm »
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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the **** is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”.

The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”
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« Reply #8 on: November 12, 2009, 12:46:20 pm »
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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely” to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said “The sky is definitely blue”. The teacher said, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy”.

Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.” The teacher again replies “If grass doesn’t get enough water it turns brown, so that isn’t really correct either.”

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher “Do farts have lumps?” The teacher looked at him and said “No…But that isn’t really a question you want to ask in class discussion.” So the student replies, “Then I definitely **** my pants.”

————————-

Wife : “I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.”

Husband : “How about the ones like mine?”

Wife : “Those they gave away.”

Husband : “I had a dream too…I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand.”

Wife : “And how much for the ones like mine?”

Husband : “That’s where they held the auction.”

————————-

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.” The grandfather replies, “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, “Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.” The grandfather replies, “I know. That’s from your Grandma.”

————————-

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this…

‘Looking for man with these qualifications; won’t beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.’

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, “Hi, I’m Bob. I have no arms so I won’t beat you up and no legs so I won’t run away.”

So the lady says, “What makes you think you are great in bed?”

Bob replies, “I rang the door bell didn’t I?”


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