Posted on: June 26, 2008, 05:33:35 pm
Posted by: Omnia
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Cool Hand, getting all hot and bothered wrote: make me look and feel about two inches. Quick question . . . would the "two inches" be considered half or full mast? 
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Posted on: June 26, 2008, 04:54:48 pm
Posted by: Damion Hellstrom
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i don;t mind m,y posts told it's crap at least it's an honest reply. But YOU had no need to rip it apart line by line and make me look and feel about two inches.
One thing about being an author..you have to get used to criticism. Even if it's brutal criticism.
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Posted on: June 26, 2008, 02:11:52 pm
Posted by: caskur
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I like the poem but I also thought Omnia's critique was funny...like this comment; How comes she takes her mini-skirt off over her head? First of all keep it on, far more fun, secondly skirts go down - much quicker, more tantalising, and it won't get tangled in her hair. Or is she bald? 
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Posted on: June 26, 2008, 12:43:40 pm
Posted by: Cool Hand
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i don;t mind m,y posts told it's crap at least it's an honest reply. But YOU had no need to rip it apart line by line and make me look and feel about two inches.
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Posted on: June 26, 2008, 05:52:25 am
Posted by: Omnia
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The capital R in the "full moon Rising" is immensely Irritating, don't you Think, on Reflection? It makes me search the cliché for some hidden Meaning even though I'm certain there is None there.
When she whispered "your nice" was she referring to your ownership of the town in the South of France, or the biscuit?
In what way was it sly for her to ask to share your joint, and what was a joint like that doing in a girl like her?
Why didn’t you dump her the second she said she would have you for dessert, that's a cold shower line, to be sure.
Why were you only half mast? You had apparently been imitating the moon Rising seconds before, then in walks this dirty skank looking for lurrrrve but you still have a 50% discount on a real man.
How comes she takes her mini-skirt off over her head? First of all keep it on, far more fun, secondly skirts go down - much quicker, more tantalising, and it won't get tangled in her hair. Or is she bald?
In what way did she take you? She's got her legs spread like some big bird and you take her. Or was it you with your legs spread?
What the hell is her "cold cement". Is this a dig at her baldness? Or are you confusing it with her "wet cement" that beautiful and moving description of a woman's intimate excitement?
Are you still going out with her? Does she take her trousers off over her head as well?
O ~
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Posted on: June 20, 2008, 07:01:15 pm
Posted by: caskur
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I thought it hinted at eroticism. 
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Posted on: June 20, 2008, 02:20:36 pm
Posted by: Voltage
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Nah, it's still crap.
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Posted on: June 20, 2008, 10:44:38 am
Posted by: Voltage
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This is crap. But I'll come back later and read through it again.
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Posted on: June 19, 2008, 04:34:06 pm
Posted by: Cool Hand
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She wanted me Oh she wanted me, I walked into her Striking eyes, She flirted with everyone, While still looking at me, She wiggled.she pranced, She smouldered.
We danced, Exchanged scents, Perspirations mingled, Lips parted for A probing French Kiss, "You can have me anytime" She wispered,your nice.
Id had enough of the chase Went to bed, Rolled a joint, striped naked, And stood gazing at the Pale moon Rising. Just like me.
I waited . i knew she would come, door tapped. she peeped inside, smelt my smoke, and said slyly: ill have some of that! And some of you for my dessert!! Not a problem" said I. As I ran for the unlocked door Forgetting I was naked And at half mast,
Door locked. no Formalities. Mini skirt. over Her head, Burying my head. Tasted sweet.un washed, Back arched, Legs eagle spread, she took me. she took me, my lance buried , in her cold cement, like Excalibur' One thrust. She took me.
I took Her,in the shower, Then we lit a fire, Of hidden desires, We didnt sleep till Sun up,till sunrise.
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